Saturday, October 1, 2011

'Do you know what is Kutta?'

The clock in the workshop struck 9. The clock was right above the entrance gate. Every Monday at 9 o'clock, the hour hand and the minute hand came perpendicular to each other, marking the start of a very boring couple of hours. The workshop was manned by a South-Indian foreman, who liked to call himself a Lecturer. His south-Indian accent and Veerappan-like bushy mustache, with only the ends chopped off, made him look like 'George of the jungle' whose sole purpose was to make fire. Jagga was a disciplinarian and demanded absolute punctuality during his classes. It was Monday again and he expected no different from his workers(students).

Wasting no time, he enters and heads straight for the blackboard. He had already brought a boxful of chalks from his office. Still holding the attendance register he began, 'The jaab aye gave you in thee last class, you are saapposed to finish yit bi todaye. Yand thee jaab aye um giving you todaye, you will submit yit in thee next class'. He passed the register asking each and everyone present to sign it, as was his usual routine at the beginning of his classes, so that any late comers are automatically marked absent. After the 10 minute-long attendance, he began drawing the job of the day on the board..

At around 9-15, with Jagga busy drawing funny objects on the board, the entrance door opened slightly and Pondy slid in and tip-toed his way on to one of the backbenches. Pondy satisfied by his consummate cheek, quietly took out a notebook and asked one of the front benchers to pass on the attendance register. Jagga finished soon and turned around, immediately noticing something fishy. Pondy was marking his attendance. But, as Jagga saw it, he was signing his own death warrant.

'AYE!', and calls out Jagga with his index finger. Pondy stood five and a half feet tall with dense, side-parted hair forming thick plaits, wearing a multi-colored check shirt tucked inside a tight jeans folded at the bottom over what looked like his bathroom slippers. Amidst muffled laughs and giggles, Pondy faced Jagga in front of the whole class.

'D'ya know whaat is KUTTA?', asked the south-Indian. Pondy instantaneously said, 'No'. Immediately realizing that it was not an academical question, he corrected himself, 'Sir, Yes..sir'.

Jagga sighed. He looks at every one and back at Pondy again.

'A kutta yis someone... who sees an ow-pun door, comes inside, roams around the hall, marks his attendance and goes!'.

Jagga took the register, crossed out Pondy's attendance and left, leaving Pondy dazed and the class of 40 holding their stomachs drowning in their unstoppable guffaws.


  1. I would love to guest blog post for you, but I don't see a contact form on your site. Please email me at Thanks, Brian.


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